The Pronoia Perspective

While listening to a podcast featuring Jamie Kern Lima (founder of IT Cosmetics and New York Times best selling author), as she spoke about how one's relationship with rejection can impact self worth, it occurred to me that a change in perspective around rejection could be just the key to keeping one's sanity during the remarkably deflating experience of job hunting.

I've been mildly obsessed with the idea of pronoia. It is the psychological phenomenon opposite of paranoia- the delusion that the world, people, and entities are conspiring in your favor, rather than against you, and speaking kindly of you, rather than negatively.

When you are shoulder deep in a job search, submitting countless applications, and receiving only indifferent rejection emails (if anything at all), you will likely fall in one of two camps. On one side, you may become numb to the rejection, begin to separate yourself from the job hunt experience, and become robotic going through the motions, leaving out the emotions. On the other side, you might become despondent, confidence shaken, and losing momentum entirely to the point of giving up. Y'all, job hunting is HARD. There's no fluffing it up. I would argue that it's one of the most humbling experiences, especially these days. I see you, regardless of where you fall in your experience. And for what it's worth, it's not your fault. Trust me there.

That said, the moment you lose yourself in it, whether that's by becoming mechanic or whether that's by giving up, you lose your power. I'd like to offer a way to feel empowered when in the midst of rejection in hopes that it brings back your spark- because if you don't bring your spark, you may end up accepting something (ANYTHING) that will get you out of the hellscape that is searching for a job. The problem with that is that when you accept out of desperation, it is much more likely that you will be right back where you started with your job search in a few short months.

** I'd like to take a quick aside here to say that there are times where you HAVE to take a position out of desperation. When the bills are piling up and the savings if running low, taking a job to pay the bills is absolutely the right thing to do. What I'm talking about here is doing it just to be done with the job search rather than with intention.

So how do we get back to feeling empowered? We practice the Pronoia Perspective.

Try this: when receiving a "no" or when you're experiencing a recruiter ghosting you, consider the "what if's" as if they were acting FOR you, not AGAINST you.

• What if instead of another rejection, that was the Universe keeping me from a crappy company?

• What if instead of a better candidate beating me out, I was overqualified?

• What if I was turned down because there is something more in line with my vision and path than that?

• What if I'm not hearing anything back because they were so damn impressed they were speechless?

• What if these rejections are building my tolerance for the position I do get accepted for?
  

Okay, I know it's a little out there (heck, it's technically delusional by definition), but we also know that maintaining a positive outlook on any situation is more likely to result in positive results. Listen, if you subscribe to the belief that what is meant for you will find you, then is it really so far fetched to believe that a rejection is a blessing? It won't make it sting any less, don't get me wrong, but it may just help you get back up and at it without losing your magic. And THAT, at the end of the day, is what will allow the right company to find you, the right interview to open up, the right position to appear. You can't find the right thing for you if you aren't living (and applying and interviewing) as your authentic self. Don't let the rejections win and snuff out your light.

The job hunt is tough, but you are so much tougher. Shine on, baby.